Just in time for your holiday orgy of gift-giving and -getting, I am proud to present my first (and only) book, filled with retreaded material you’ve probably already read, but can now enjoy in the comfort of your own bathroom! Yes, ladies and gentlemen, it’s Fucking Brilliant, a collection of my writing now bound together into an easy carry-along version, professionally priced at the ridiculously low, low cost of US$17.50, not including applicable taxes and delivery! Wow, how can you sit there on your credit card and not buy buy buy? At that price, you’re practically stealing from me!
This beautifully-bound paperback book, measuring a hefty 5″ x 8″ and containing over 200 pages (many of them conveniently blank to include your own doodles and stories!), will look fabulous sticking out of your briefcase, or sitting unopened on your bookshelf, or thrown onto the backseat of your car. The pages come pre-yellowed and the entire book has been haphazardly edited and typeset using one of the most modern methods available a computer!
Get your copy (or copies) today! Or wait a little while, because special limited-edition versions with covers specially designed by well-known web personalities with time on their hands will appear shortly. And you know you can’t resist a limited edition book that costs more than most entrees at fancy restaurants! Can you? No! You can’t!
So buy a dozen, and leave them where impressionable children can find them. Use torn-out pages to line bird cages. Take a highlighter to the stories and add remarks to the margins about how stupid, silly and inane it all is! Hours of fun await you and those you gift with this amazing and wonderful collection of crap!
November 26, 2003