Songs for Paris

You’re the Prettiest Cat in the Apartment”
You’re the prettiest cat in the apartment
You’re the prettiest cat I can see
You’re the prettiest cat in the apartment
And you torture the flies just for me
Now you’re running around like a madman
And you’re chasing the shadows on the wall
And your eyes are as big as pie plates
‘Cause I’m singing this horrible song
You’re the prettiest cat in the apartment
You’re the prettiest cat I can see
You’re the prettiest cat in the apartment
And you torture the flies just for me


“Who’s the Insane Cat?”
Oh, who is that?
Insane cat!
She thinks reflections are real
Oh, who is that?
Insane cat!
Making the bugs into meals
She runs and jumps and freezes in place
She chases her tail on the couch
She climbs the cutains in the kitchen
And falls back to earth with no ‘ouch!’
Oh, who is that?
Insane cat!
Her favorite toy’s made of foil!
Oh, who is that?
Insane cat!
And I can’t think of something that rhymes!
“Meow Meow Kitty”
Hey, Kippity boo
Hey, click click click click
Hey, Kippo! Hey, Kitty!
Hey, click click click click
You gallop like a pony and you stop on a dime
You look so fuckin’ cute all the fuckin’ time
If someone didn’t love you, it would be a crime
And it’s me!
And it’s me!
Hey, Paris, Oh, Paris!
Oh, click click click click
You kitty, yo Kippo
Hey, click click click click
“Hey! You Crazy Cat!”
Stop pulling all the fucking
Toilet paper off the roll
What is wrong with you anyway?
Next thing I know
You’ll be ripping up the Calvin Klein comforter
That I bought on sale at Macy’s
Stop clawing the Eames
Hey! I said stop clawing the Eames
And that includes biting it
Hey! What did I just say?
Is that you under the loveseat?
Is that your claws ripping the lining under there?
Hey! You crazy cat!
Stop it!
Look! It’s the cat dancer!
Kippa kippa kippa kippa oooooh kippa
“That’s My Crotch”
Just because I happen to be
Standing here like this
Watching the telly with the
Remote in my hand, oh
Don’t attack my crotch!
I need those!
Hey! Ouch! Damn!
Don’t attack my crotch!
I’m watching The Simpsons
Really, that’s all I’m doing
I’m just watching The Simpsons
Really, one second
Don’t attack my crotch!
I need those!
Hey! Ouch! Damn!
Don’t attack my crotch!
Yes, I know you’re there
I can totally see you
No, you’re not fooling anyone
Wait, don’t crouch like that! Wait!
Don’t attack my crotch!
I need those!
Hey! Ouch! Damn!
Don’t attack my crotch!

July 25, 2003

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