wishs/wishd dot com (or something)

My experience standing in line at the Apple store brought to mind a project I had considered years ago, around the time I was still doing Overheard at glassdog.com and had set up The Dead Letter Office with Greg Knauss’s coding and server help. Overheard is long gone and The Dead Letter Office chugs quietly away at its awful goals, and I just never got around to doing yet another not-moneymaking online venture that would probably sap my time and patience in equal measure when it eventually refused to live up to my expectations.

But I’d like to offer up to the ether in case someone else wants to do it and feel free.

The name changed between “wishs” and “wishd” and the letters actually stood for something. The goal of the project was to allow people to record three things in simple text boxes.

  1. What happened
  2. The miscreant
  3. What I Should Have Said (Done)

Hence the title. If the end product was What I Should Have Said, it would have been called W.I.S.H.S. and if, instead, it ended up being What I Should Have Done, then W.I.S.H.D.
I mean, how many times do you find yourself in a situation where, only after it’s over and the moment is long gone, have you found yourself regretting the things you didn’t say or do? So my idea was a site (or sub-site) dedicated to those situations rife with promise. Record what happened, who done it, and what you should have said. Then open that up to comments (or not) and get all the “Me too!”isms and “I would have…” suggestions in there. It would be searchable so if you were preparing for battle, you could be well informed about your alternatives.

But, it was just another idea that never saw fruition. For all I know it’s out there already, garnering ad revenue and adding to the overall noise level instead of being really, really funny.

By the way, here’s What I Should Have Said:

“Here’s the thing, Mr. Self-Involved, Overly-Confident Douche Rag Loser, I know that when you walked up to this store and saw that line of people, you thought to yourself, ‘What a bunch of losers. I’m totally going to get in the short line and get inside the store and just sneak into the iPhone line and walk out today with one. Fuck them! I win!’ and what is now going through my mind is ‘Hey, Mr. Self-Involved, Overly-Confident Douche Rag Loser — and let me emphasize that you are a douche rag rather than a douche bag, because the douche bag holds the douching water and vinegar and you’re actually the rag that cleans up the post douche, you douche rag — I’m one of those idiots. Hello! And now you find yourself behind me, thinking you’re going to get away with it because people are sheep, people besides you, anyway, and I will only stew in my own juices and feel inner rage but I won’t do anything because I want to avoid confrontation and I don’t mind, really, that you’re so special. But in fact, Mr. Rag, I’m going to cause quite the ruckus. I’m going to point at you and scream like Donald Sutherland at the end of the remake of ‘Body Snatchers’ — yes, you see? I’m a nerd, too! But unlike some, and by some I mean you, I don’t look for ways to fuck over my fellow nerds. I obey the nerd laws. Nerds stand in line for tech bling. They do so gladly. They meet other nerds and nerd-bond and nerd-speak and nerd-fantasize about holding their new nerd-bling. So, yes, Mr. Grinning Fucktard ‘I’m more special than everyone else around me and usually park in people’s driveways and then walk away and forget about the fact that I’m inconveniencing everyone else because I can’, I’m calling you out. I’m naming names. I’m going to get in your face and talk extra loudly and ‘tell on you.’ And you know what else? I’m going to get a special stiffy in my naughty place at your expense. BECAUSE I CAN!”

See? Fun! Though I suppose that’s what blogs are for in the first place, n’est-ce pas?

July 15, 2008

2 responses to wishs/wishd dot com (or something)

  1. Jemaleddin said:

    I would have gone for:
    “Oh, it looks like you’ve gotten mixed up! This is the iPhone line – you either need to get in the non-iPhone line, or go to the back of this one. Let me get an Apple Store employee to help you figure out where you need to go!”

  2. m blockley said:

    The name for #3 is l’esprit d’escalier. Somehow it doesn’t translate well into English.

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