Careerbuilder Dot Con

Now that I’m out on my lonesome, trying to scrape together a few meager dollars to pay my rent and feed my cat while so many of my friends are off inventing new web applications that do what other web applications do, only prettier, thereby gaining the interest of the couple dozen “movers and shakers” of the blogging world who point out to the rest of us how dumb we are if we aren’t using this cool new tool that Google will be buying next week and promptly burying in the backyard next to the dead palm tree and that Koi pond no one really thought was a good idea in the first place, I posted my experience and résumé on and because that’s what we’re supposed to do, right?
If you’re considering drumming up any business or attracting the attention of a company to hire your talented little butt based on your posting at either site, let me just pass along three little words you so rarely hear about Web enterprises and their magical capabilities to solve any problem you’re having.
Don’t. Do. It.

The offers I have been receiving via those services mention what great qualifications I have, and how perfect I am for their position in their fast-growing, enthusiastic company and how eager they are to have me come into their offices in albany or Pleasanton or (shudder) Emeryville to speak to their hiring manager who has just the right job for me to start making thousands of dollars!
The problem, as I see it, is that according to these companies my experience as a Web designer and Creative Director uniquely qualifies me to be an insurance salesman or “profit recovery team member,” AKA collections agent.
How many inquiries have I had from companies seeking web designers or developers? Exactly zero. After six weeks of posting, it is clear to me that these sites are not being used by the companies that are seeking qualified candidates to fill open positions in a job economy that all my friends (all my very successful, entrepreneurial, sole proprietorship friends) tell me is a seller’s market. There’s so much work out there, they’re turning it away. And yet the work offers I get from Careerbuilder and Monster are entirely bogus.
I just wanted to let you know, because I care about you (I really do!) that if you’re currently on the low end of the wage totem pole and hoping that putting yourself and your shiny résumé and list of happy customers and brilliant portfolio on these sites pretending in TV commercials and web banner ads to be helping people just like you! get better jobs that pay more money and make them so happy they’re practically creaming their jeans with orgasmic ecstasy, it ain’t gonna happen.
What you can expect instead is e-mails like this one:

Your experience is interesting. Give me a call (My experience is interesting? Really! Yay, me!)
Good Morning,
My name is Enrico Fernandez. (Hi, Enrico!) I am the District Sales Manager for the Emeryville office of Transworld Systems Inc. (Wow! That sounds impressive! Transworld, you say? Golly, how international!) I believe that you were contacted by our Regional Director of Sales Training for San Francisco Northern California Region recently. (Uhh, no, but go ahead, you’ve got my attention, you hot-blooded Latino stud!) I wanted to get in touch with you to express my interest in talking to you about scheduling an interview to meet with me personally in our Emeryville Training Center. (I’m honored! Me? Little me? Really?!?)
It appears that you may have the professional experience that we are looking for. (It appears that way? It’s not a sure thing then. Hmm.) I am looking to add a few professional Account Executives- which involves outside sales, to our team. (Sales? I’m not really a sales-type guy. Maybe you’ve got the wrong…) We are also looking to fill a District Sales Manager position that we have available- which involves leading – by example! – (By example! Wow! That’s sounds responsible and importa…) and developing a team of outside sales people. (Managerial! I smell big bucks! Keep talking, Enrico!) I would be interested in speaking with you about setting up an initial interview in our local District office here in Emeryville. (Uh, Emeryville, you say? Emeryville. Where that big IKEA is? And the freeways that all intersect and not an interesting store or coffee shop in miles? I’m not sure I…)
The one caveat: (Uh ohhhhh!) I am only interviewing thru Wednesday (11/1). I have to make some decisions by November 2nd for our corporate training program that starts November 3rd. Unfortunately, it was not until today that I saw your resume. (Oh, fuck! I better pick up the phone!)
If you are available to meet during this period, I would really like to hear from you. If not perhaps we can talk in the future, but for now I am only able to interview thru Wednesday (11/1).
Please feel free to review a copy of our Careerbuilder Online posting pasted below. I have also included a few links to company information, including a link to an online video. (Real video? Slick! Wow, you must be an important and sexy Web site development company!)
Call me if you are available and if the opportunity interests you. My main office line is 510-985-8310 ext. 31
Enrico Fernandez
District Sales Manager – Emeryville
2000 Powell Street, Suite 1165
Emeryville, CA 94608

Now, I’m not really down on Enrico and his company. According to his web site they employ a diverse group of attractive 30-somethings outfitted in dark suits with white shirts and apparently they give you a lime green late-model Ford Mustang just for finally getting “the career I’ve always wanted!” I’m sure there are plenty of people truly interested and qualified to go hunt down ne’er-do-well credit risks who have been having a bit of trouble paying for their own lime green late-model Ford Mustangs and they ache to harass them by phone during the dinner hour to remind them to pay up or start worrying about jail time or repossession.
I just don’t happen to be one of those people, which, if Enrico had truly read my résumé and looked at my portfolio, he wouldn’t find phrases like “I really hate deadbeats and I want to do whatever I can to make their lives a living hell.”
My anger is with Careerbuilder, because they certainly have no interest in truly hooking up the right employee with the right job, and with companies like Transworld Systems, Inc. for wasting my time and making me read all the way through their crap in hopes that they might actually need my services instead of simply needing another warm body manning a phone.
So heed my warning and learn from my experiences, dear friends. Stick with sites like Dice and the occasional Craig’s List job posting. Monster and Careerbuilder aren’t interested in trying to help you find a job. They’re only interested in loading up their database with more people’s information so trawlers like Enrico can start sending you even more useless e-mail than you already receive.

October 26, 2006

6 responses to Careerbuilder Dot Con

  1. Scott said:

    My experience with Careerbuilder and Monster haven’t been quite so traumatic, although the main difference may be that I was not seeking jobs in the tech field (I was looking for something finance-oriented.) I mostly got calls from headhunters who like to stock up their databases with starving, displaced lay-off cases where they can farm you out to some job that will pay you about 75% of what you need to live while the headhunter makes 10% of your salary for the placement. But at least every week I got a nice little summary in email of jobs available in the area I was looking at that at least remotely related to what I did. And I don’t think I was ever spammed by someone looking for a sales goon.
    I wouldn’t be surprised if those sites treat people who classify themselves as web designers as general purpose employees. It’s kind of like having a liberal arts degree. Now that everyone has a Myspace page, everyone is a web designer, and so the title is nearly valueless, which sucks for someone like you who is, you know… a real one.
    I have a hard time believing that someone with your reputation can’t just call up 37 Signals or some other equally good firm and say, “Hey, bitches. It’s Lance. Send me some work.”

  2. Lance said:

    Yet another “offer” via I shit you not.
    “I was looking for jobs on the internet and came across your profile on career building website and thought I would contact you since I don’t have anyone else in the USA. I will be coming to the USA in about 2 weeks and would like to make friends with you. I will let you know more information about myself and I will reply back to you with some of my pictures. If you agree then message me back, I’ll be waiting. Hope you don’t mind.
    “by the way, I am a girl and people say i am good looking
    “Lots of kisses!
    Sorry, Irina. I’m sure people do say you’re good looking. Wanna know what they say about me? They say I enjoy other men’s penises. And they’re right!

  3. Jemaleddin said:

    Hey, don’t be so hard on Irina – I hear she likes penises too! That’s a common interest!
    I’ve had better luck with Monster, but only because I’ve got some keywords in my resume that are in demand. But I still got my fair share of job-spam. My current problem with all of these sites is that I know that my employer checks them all frequently, so if I put my resume out there, they start asking questions.

  4. Tim Thoma said:

    My advice would be apply to jobs on Careerbuilder and don’t leave your resume… If you notice, CB is on the few that don’t require you to leave a footprint on there site.. Therefore, you won’t be in a database and get shitty calls from people.. Sites like monster force you to register with their site, thus populating their database..

  5. Charlotte said:

    I’ve scrapped everything related to web design and am starting over. My new college instructor advises never put “Web Designer” on your resume. I think the new title is “Digital Media Engineer” or something like that. I don’t pay close attention in class, except to note that he has been successful in the field for many years (considering he’s only about 40). His first job was designing the Speed Racer website, he’s mentioned NASA and Aerospace website experience. He recommends going to ALL the conferences and shows. The new technology in websites will not involve a mouse or keyboard. He showed a video clip from a recent show. It resembled the task board in Minority Report. It was a touch screen of a lava lamp that could be molded with both hands. Later it showed about 20 pictures that could be moved around with both hands on the screen. New hires should be ready for this stuff.

  6. lana said:

    Unbelievably, I heard from Sladkaya (perhaps Irina’s buddy). She too, writes to tell me that she found my profile on Careerbuilder and is coming to the US in 2 weeks. She wants me to know that she is good looking, wants to be my new girlfriend, and sends me lots of kisses. Perhaps pounding the actual pavement, the old fashioned way of finding a job, is less of a hassle.