Coming Out (Again)
I have to admit something to you now that I’ve held inside for a long time because, well, I didn’t think it mattered very much and I was a little embarrassed about it. I mean, I know that you’re my friend and it won’t make a difference to you, probably, and even if it does we could probably still remain friends if we just don’t talk about this one thing, because I’m afraid I just can’t change this about me. It’s something I live with every day and it’s time I admitted the truth to you so we can get on with things and I no longer have to live a lie.
I hate Google’s logo.
I have a hard time taking them seriously, I’m afraid. It’s ugly, it’s got a drop shadow, for crying out loud, and it’s multicolored like a circus tent. The first G looks weird, like someone was trying to draw a G but was using someone else’s memory of what a G looks like, the letters are oddly kerned, and the whole thing looks like it should be painted on the side of an ice cream truck.
I used to just shrug and try to get past it as quickly as possible, but now that they’re more than just a Web search engine and are branding that thing on top of all their other properties, I’m frankly sick of it and I don’t want it on my desktop.
I know. I know this shouldn’t matter. It’s just a logo, big deal, who cares if their products are good and they’re all free and you can zoom around the planet virtually and tilt your own neighborhood and search through everything on your computer or out on the Web, look inside textbooks, blah blah blah. But, thing is, it does matter, because it’s dumb looking.
Right? You can see it, right? Even if they’d just take off the 3D qualities and get rid of the drop shadow that would be a vast improvement. Keep the weird-ass G and the spacing and (shudder) the colors, and we’re almost to an acceptible logo. But as-is, I just can’t support that. I just can’t.
Looking at the Google logo, it says to me, “Hi! I’m not very bright and I love looking directly at the sun!” I think it’s supposed to be saying, “Hi! I’m fun and simple and let’s play!” But, um, there’s simple… and then there’s simple. And it’s leaning way too far over the fence into the realm of, to be completely politically incorrect for a moment, retarded.
When the site first appeared and all the cool kids were using it, I could forgive the logo. I thought, hmm, ugly and dumb but they’re just starting out and they’ll see the error of their ways and do something about that soon enough, get someone who knows a little about design and logos and suchlike to touch that sucker up, tighten the screws, slap a new coat of paint on the thing. I’m sure it’s like a temporary deal, something maybe that the owner drew on the back of a napkin or something.
But the intervening years have shown that they’re sticking with it. In all its awkward, dumb, retarded glory. I do enjoy when they fuck with it, of course. That shows some playfulness and that they like their own logo but they’re not married to it, they can alter it whimsically on occasion and pay tribute to, like, Mozart and Einstein and the Olympics and Linux and shit like that. Fun!
But please, someone, anyone, please. Fix that thing. Do something.
Sorry. I needed to say that. It’s hurtful, I know, and maybe a bit surprising and tacky to be so blunt, but I feel better now that that’s out of the way between us and life can go on.
August 22, 2005