Archives for August 2005

Your Hose and Faucet

I’m contemplating all this while picturing her going Postal, pulling out a shiv and plunging into my back, between my shoulders, as I stand at my kitchen sink trying feverishly to wash her fruit off while she screams “No! No! With your hose and faucet! Use your hose and faucet!” and I am sweating and shaking and say, quietly, “Is that a euphemism for something? Is this sexual?” “Your hose and faucet! Your hose and faucet!”
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Elsewhere: The Morning News

One has the world�s best culture; the other, perfect weather. Both are dirty, defined by expensive rents, and full of citizens who say their city�s the best. A fair and balanced guide to choosing between New York and San Francisco.… continue reading »

8 Simple Rules for Business Web Sites

Less how. More why. Not you. The user. Now. Not later. Forget sticky. Think action. Clean. Not empty. Organize first. Design second. Expect accidents. Never assume. Always ask.

Coming Out (Again)

I have to admit something to you now that I’ve held inside for a long time because, well, I didn’t think it mattered very much and I was a little embarrassed about it. I mean, I know that you’re my friend and it won’t make a difference to you, probably, and even if it does we could probably still remain friends if we just don’t talk about this one thing, because I’m afraid I just can’t change this about me.
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Email Heart Attack

Opening my inbox this morning, I was greeted with the following subject line in a message from our good friendsthe annoying pests at Time for the West High School Class of 1980 25-Year Reunion, Lance! Fuck. Fuckity fuck fuck… continue reading »

All the Street People

“Hey! Hey!” She calls out loudly behind me. I am intent on looking at the Asian women’s shoes, which are remarkably ugly. “Hey, isn’t that sick?”
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Gay Overtures

Tiaan writes: “…I must add that I am not gay, but this is the whole problem. Why am I emailing you then you ask? Well, being able to handle girls is hard enough for me, but I need an expert’s… continue reading »

Jim’s Big Four-Oh

Anyway, I drank too much vodka, I flashed my privates at a tranny who wanted to see them, I tried to come on to one of my oldest friends and I woke up the next day feeling absolutely dreadful — so as far as I’m concerned the party was a fantastic success and I think everyone had a great time.
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Samaritan or Cynic?

As I walked up to the bank of ATMs, one of them was already beeping at me. There was another gentleman using the one to its left and I grabbed a deposit envelope and approached it. There in its money… continue reading »

Aside, in Passing, Like a Remark You Think You Heard, But Are Not Sure Of.

Just so you know, things are likely to occur more often and be shorter in length from here forward. Big Gulps* will be forthcoming on occasion, as before. I hope you will not be disappointed in me. *They cause headaches… continue reading »

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